Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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