my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
