do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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