i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
