having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
