you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
