I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
