my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
