i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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