I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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