That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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