My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
