Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
