If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
