Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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