A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
