Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize