Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What a dumb baby whore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
