I accidentally had phone sex last night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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