Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
