its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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