she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
