Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
