I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize