need another drink. this is the easiest way
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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