You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
