My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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