Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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