My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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