Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
