just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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