matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
