So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
