I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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