i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize