I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize