i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
