He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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