I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
