I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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