my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
