It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
