And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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