But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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