She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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