every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
