He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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