so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
