You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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