we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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