I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
