we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
