Whod you bang
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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