I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
