how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize