Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
