dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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