I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your cock deserves a montage
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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