I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
