dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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