Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
