like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
