All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
