worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
