apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
